Dress: Thrift find, Shawl Vest: Thrift find, Flower Crown: Self-made, Beaded Necklace: Thrift find, Multi colored Beaded Necklace: Old Navy, Elephant Necklace: F21, Jean Jacket: Mogujie.com, Sandals: Nordstrom Rack, Red Lipstick: MAC
What lately feels like no work towards my recovery is quiet the contrary when I start looking at the small things I’ve accomplished. Finally I feel ready to take on the work that needs to be done psychologically and emotionally with my trauma. I’ve found a trauma specialist therapist and have an appointment to see if she’s a good fit for me. Furthermore, I’ve taken the steps to riding myself of some people in my life that are just flat out unhealthy for me right now.
I guess now that I feel I actually have self-worth I’m no longer blinded to noticing the signs that someone is hurting me and in short stunting my growth. One person in particular called me the Jessa of her friends (Jemima Kirke’s character in the HBO series girls) in the form of a compliment. The old, self-destructive Juanna would have been flattered, honored, even overwhelmed by the “compliment.” The current Juanna sees Jessa as a black hole at a dead end. I may have been a lot like her then and I may still be eccentric and individualistic but I’m no longer a lost puppy seeking its next thrill. As you can see I was instead quiet offended and hurt. I couldn’t believe someone that has witnessed my process of self-transcendence say such a thing. I’m glad it happened because it was the last straw. I drew the line. I can’t have friends that see me in this light. Not to mention people who are willing to manipulate me into giving into their demands. I’m way beyond people pleasing. Right now I just need to work on doing my best to satisfy myself. That’s hard enough of a task all on its own. I don’t need “friends” that are going to remind me to self loathe.
For this set of photos I went shopping and on an overall rendezvous of admiring street art with my dear friend Nick. He snapped pictures of me by a brightly colored mural and a van covered in art. The weather has come along with a nice breeze so a light jacket can easily be incorporated into my ensembles in the evening. Believe me I’m not complaining. After Florida’s weather I’m beyond ecstatic for cool evenings. They allow for long, contemplative walks.
Bonnaroo Music and Arts Music festival and Pitchfork Music festival have been keeping my inner flower child load and alive. That is why this outfit screams 1960’s Woodstock. I wore a long, lace, and flowy dress with a brown long vest over it. The detail included a yellow daisy flower crown of coarse, red lips, and three dangly necklaces. It’s sandal season so I threw a pair of aquamarine green sandals with golden studs. It was a very easy outfit. Perfect for walking and fitting in with all the fashion enthusiasts of the Wicker Park, Bucktown, and Logan Square areas of Chicago.
“Every single one of us goes through life depending on and bound by our individual knowledge and awareness. And we call it reality. However, both knowledge and awareness are equivocal. One’s reality might be another’s illusion. We all live inside our own fantasies. It’s exciting to be so much more in touch with myself now that I can actually fantasize and realize my reality isn’t set in stone. I may not think much of myself but I may mean the world to someone else. For that matter I must stay strong when I fall so I can gather it to get back up and keep going on this long and endless journey.”