Wasteland

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Dress: F21, Shawl: F21, Buddha Necklace: Self-made, Headband: Self-made, Platforms: Thrift find, Sunnies: City Soles Chicago, Cyber Lipstick: MAC

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Shorts: F21, Crop Top: F21, Over Shirt: Thrift find, Hat: H&M, Necklace: F21, Socks: Betsey Johnson Store, Sneakers: ALDO, Sunnies: Thrift find, Cyber Lipstick: MAC

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   I keep thinking that in retrospect my adolescent years were one, big, worn down wasteland. A land I roamed when I was so lost and thought I was so in control. I was invincible. Nothing could touch me. No one could tell me what to do. I knew all, and I knew better. When really I didn’t know anything at all. I was a soul sucking ingrate because I found myself feeling so empty. I was willing to take anything I could get. I still feel my generation is stuck in this wasteland. We all just have to walk a fine line between chaos and composure. Is that even possible when I’m trying to figure things out for my future and yet still feel compelled to say, “fuck it. Fuck it all. I’m young and wild and free.” I’m not sure I can subscribe to that motto though. I’m tormented by all these voices in my head that want more. They always want to be fed, and chaos and destruction are their favorite meal. I must deprive them, like they have deprived me of genuine happiness.

   Lately, I’ve been trying to sort out what is thrilling for me, while it still helping maintain me at a healthy mindset. I have mind consuming nostalgia for my life past, but I know looking back only makes living today that much harder. I’ve made choices for my life. Life-altering choices that now have me on the road to self-fulfillment. Why isn’t that enough for me? Why does it feel like I have a black hole inside me that always needs something to fill it? That’s one thing, but that awful part is it always binges on whatever this void filler it. I’m having such a hard time working on self-control and moderation. It’s like my life long cross to bear. I damn my novelty seeking personality for that. Only for that because in many ways it’s what ignites the fearless adventurer in me.

   For this set of photos we took a walk around Logan Square. We found some pretty amazing pieces of trash and used it all to create some photo shoot sets. These alley shots really go hand in hand with what I’m saying about my peers and I scavenging through trash to get by. We also walked until we ran into some amusing murals. I styled in a no rules are the rules sort of way. I wanted the pictures to carry some obscurity and cloudiness. I wanted a lack of color to go with Alex’s ensemble while I wanted more color for my already bright outfit.

   My outfit made little sense, and that’s just what made it so right. I paired a black and white zig zag dress with an oriental inspired print shawl that came in many bright and vibrant colors. I just wanted to make it more tough and stout so I added big, black platforms and a headband with black roses and spikes. I always feel lipstick gives an outfit something extra so I didn’t miss out on that opportunity and added a cyber dark shade to my lips.

   For Alex I wanted to capture a teenage, insurgent, artsy, and gloomy girl. Something I really can relate to looking back. I was looking to catch attention by wearing myself on my sleeve. I think you really get that from Alex’s outfit. She looks like a cool, well-cultured girl that is so hip she doesn’t even need to get ready if she’s invited somewhere. She’s ready to go in her get up since the day started.

   “It seems to me that when we are taking pictures and getting the outfits ready I loose this fixed attachment to the idea that my body is going to be exposed. I’m starting to think of my body as part of a creative process, a process that leaves me feeling pure and accomplished. Therefore my body just is. Being around girls that are less body conscious also makes me let go of these pre conceived notions that they are going to stare and criticize it. I mean I don’t do it to them, why should I make that projection then? I can be a harsh critic and this process is alleviating me of that prison like character.”

-Juanna Gutierrez

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